I know that usually my blog is about what is Trendy and what isn't Trendy, but this post is going to be about me. A little bit of my story for the past two years.
For the past two years I've been in a slump. One that I allowed myself to go into, though I didn't fully realize it until now. So many things have changed in my life within these past two years and I'm just now coming to grips with it all.... Unfortunately. I've allowed so many things change a part of who I am, and not all of them are good. The biggest part of that is my family.
To start, it has been my father. We(my family and I) found out he had Parkinson's when I was about 12 years old. At that point it wasn't as bad as it is now. He was only having little shakes here and there. Now he has progressed in a way that none of us really thought he would. Not only does he have trouble walking along with other things, but he has developed Dementia. The Dementia has progressed at a drastic rate as well. He has trouble with many things, though he is too strong and stubborn of a person to admit it fully. As strong as my mom and I have been it has been more than difficult to see how he has progressed. There are times where I have to stop myself from crying in front of him, because honestly I'm scared. I'm scared because I know that he won't be around much longer. Even though he is not my biological father he has been the only real father I have ever known. As I'm writing this I find myself in tears because I know he won't be able to see my sister or me get married and have kids. I find myself even more sad knowing that my mom is losing her best friend, the one she has dedicated her life to for so long.
What I hate most is that I've allowed that fear to run almost every thought for the past two years. I've allowed it to break me down. I act strong in front of others (Especially my mom and sister) because I don't want them to know how much this really has hurt me. I act as if I have blocked everything out. When in all actuality I feel everything. I let anger rule everything I did. I've been so scared for myself, my mom, and my sister that I let it cripple me. I lost a huge part of what made me who I am. I in a sense have been feeling bad for myself, and I know that is not a way to live life. I know that I once again have to reclaim my strength. The strength that I used to be able to accomplish all that I did in my two years in New York City.
I think that is why I started this blog in the first place. This was and is my first step in reclaiming the strength that I once had.
When I was in High school I had no Idea who I was or where I was going in life. Then when I was first introduced in the world of Entertainment and Fashion it saved me. If I hadn't been introduced into this amazingly crazy world I can honestly tell you that I would probably be dead. I found my home in this world. I found where I could Finally be understood for my differences, and where I could be myself. This world allowed me to find other people who felt the same way as I did. It helped me find people who were just as passionate about life in the arts as I am. For Fashion is not just about clothing. It's about the raw emotions that you put into every piece that you create. It's about the emotion that you're feeling in that moment. When you send your designs out for them to be made into an outfit or pieces for people to wear you're literally putting your heart on your sleeve. You're giving everyone in the world a piece of who you are.
Though the same could be said about any other for of Art.
Through Fashion and Entertainment I have been opened to world that I have no words for. There is no way for me to truly put into words how much I love this world that I share with so many other people. It has opened my mind to so many possibilities, so many new ways of thinking. The only thing I can say it that we all need the Arts in our lives. We all need to allow ourselves to find a home where people will accept us for who we are and what we love.
We all need to be more bold and to take more chances in life. We owe it to ourselves not to dwell on the negative things around us. Though it is not easy to do all at once, we must take it day by day. It will get easier. I know this is something I must work at again.
So to myself and all of you I promise that I will try harder to be who and what I want to be in life. I will work more to achieve my goals and to believe in myself more. I will take more chances and not apologize for it. I will be bold. I will be great.
EDPV
